Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Free Falling into Jesus


Today would have been Kyle's 27th birthday. Every year on this day, I take time to reflect upon how far I've come in my walk with Jesus since March 4, 1987. I didn't know Jesus at the time. Quite frankly, I could not have cared less about Him. I was happy and thought my life was pretty grand. Why in the world would I need Jesus? I simply couldn't imagine why.

Kyle died in my arms when he was three days old. As you may imagine, my world came to a screeching, excruciating halt. Not only did I not think I needed Jesus, but I was downright angry at God. I hated God. I shook my fists and cursed God. I would rather have found myself in my own grave than let God have any place in my life. The ironic thing was that I was already buried in Kyle's grave. I felt dead and was sure that life would never be breathed back into me.

My heart and mind could not reconcile Kyle's death. I searched and searched for the meaning of it. Kyle's grave felt like the only tangible piece I had left of him and I simply could not keep myself from touching it every single day for a year. Somehow I thought that I could only be close to Kyle in that particular place, and that feeling close to him would eventually help me find my way out of the nightmare that had become my life.

God has a funny way of meeting us right where we need Him. I often walked silently among the gravestones. So many of them were adorned with passages of Scripture. My empty, aching heart and arms are what led me to the graveyard. Being there led me to those Scripture passages. Those passages set me upon a quest to figure out why God had taken my son away from me. Needless to say, God's plan all along was to lead me right back to Him. And lead me He did. (If you want to read my story, either scroll down to the very first post or click here.)

Every year on Kyle's birthday, I try to find a special way to celebrate him. I usually express myself in words which, I hope, will both honor Kyle and give glory to God for what He accomplished in me through Kyle. Below is this year's offering. Perhaps it will speak to your heart. I pray that it does. 

Free Fall
by Vicki Scott Burns

“Time heals all wounds,” that’s what they say
But I just don’t think it’s true
My heart got buried in a grave
With a tiny box of blue
I found myself
Falling in a free fall
Falling in so deep
Falling in a free fall
Falling down upon my knees
Free fall

The pages on the calendar
Keep on flipping one by one
But on this day most every year
I still start to come undone
I find myself
Falling in a free fall
Falling in so deep
Falling in a free fall
Falling down upon my knees
Free fall

Fallen down upon my knees
Is the only place where I can stand
Held up by the mercy of Your plan...

“Cast your burdens,” that’s what You say
“Let Me heal your broken heart.”
‘Cause when You rose from Your own grave
The sting of death was torn apart
So I could find myself
Falling in a free fall
Falling in so deep
Falling in a free fall
Into arms that rescued me
Free fall

Falling in a free fall
Falling in so deep
Falling in a free fall
Into love that set me free
I still find myself
Falling in a free fall
Falling in so deep
Falling in a free fall
Falling in so deep
I’m falling, falling, falling
I am free
Free fall

Copyright © 2014 by Bibleshareware.org, Inc. and by Vicki Scott Burns. All rights reserved. www.Bibleshareware.org

1 comment:

  1. That was absolutely touching! Beautifully written, and both heartbreaking and uplifting!

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